March 5, 2008

We start off this week with some reader animadversion - “Why are your posts so long?” from Anonymous in Polk County. Well anonymous, we’re just trying to bring the best, most accurate reviews of wing establishments that we possibly can. As such, we’ve decided to empower our reviewers with the freedom we feel may be missing should parameters such as “length” or “content” be in place. I’ve asked our reviewers to become more concise; that said, they are both funny and talented writers, and no one put Picasso in a box (which is the last time you will see Wingsday and Picasso in the same sentence). Moreover, it’s one post a week. Yes, it’s a long one. Deal with it. On to the wings!

Kau Kau is the very definition of a dive bar a quaint little establishment off of Main Street in Lakeland. Although I feared for my life  I couldn’t see due to the lack of lights  I couldn’t breathe due to the pollution of the oxygen the seating wasn’t plentiful, we were able to (literally) belly up to the bar to enjoy our lunch. The reviews:

“Ah, the Koner. My old college haunt. I’ve had the Wings and Cubans here on quite a few occasions, but the last time I truly dined here was several years back. I was a little worried that the delicious food I had consumed here previously was either:

A. Going to be different because of a new chef/recipe/etc. OR
B. Was never really that good; I was just really hungry and/or had the equivalent of “beer goggles” for my taste buds on when I had been here before.

Luckily for us, neither was the case. First off, Kau’s is truly a bar. You don’t eat at a table… you sit at a bar. Your food is served at the bar. You sit on barstools. You’re served by a barmaid (who was very friendly by the way)… But I kind of like that about the place. However, the ambience left something to be desired – even in daylight hours its still a dimly-lit college dive. But it was MY college dive.

And the wings… incredible. Saucy and dripping with goodness. Kau’s is very generous with the sauce, but it’s not overpowering. There’s plenty to spare on each wing, almost too much – but sometimes I enjoy a wing that makes me have to wipe my entire face after each bite. The sauce is no cover-up, either. There’s a ton of good flavor in the skin and meat of the wing – which balances the sauce nicely.

And finally, a “Hot” wing with some kick. A touch of vinegar-y smell/taste, but not overdone. These will have your mouth burning for a few minutes afterwards – and I like that in a wing.

The ONLY complaint I could find to say about Kau’s is the wing-to-drum ratio. Probably 70% Wings to 30% Drummies. Oh, and that we didn’t order the ButterGarlic wings. But we’ll save that for another time.

For me, it doesn’t get much better than Kau-Kau Koner. Moist, tender, flavorful wings. Thus far, they are my personal leader for Wing Of The Year.”
–Scott

“I might have been warned to go and get a tetanus shot before visiting this particular wingsday establishment (Kau Kau’s) however since it has the reputation of being a popular college hangout I figured it couldn’t be that bad, I was wrong! Steve, Travis, and I spoke about leaving a little early so that we could get a seat. Come to find out there was little to worry about since we were basically the only vehicle in the parking lot. After looking around a bit and trying to decide whether we really wanted to sit down we all hiked up to the bar and joked about a possible plan B.

Everyone seemed friendly and we quickly placed our order for 60 hot wings. Once the wings arrived I may have forgotten about everything else. The wings were cooked to a nice crispy texture and smothered in a hot buffalo sauce. They were quite excellent to say the least and this was situation where hot means hot. The sauce wasn’t too hot for most of us (names withheld to protect the girly men of the bunch) but was hot enough to bring some beads of sweat to the forehead. Food wise I believe Kau Kau’s holds a strong second to Decision’s (I would rate the wings an 8.5 out of 10, maybe a 9) however as previously stated there is a lot to be desired when it comes to the surroundings (I would rate the surroundings a 1 out 10 it was true dump).”
–Shawn

“Today for lunch the wingmen went to my old college stompin’ ground. It was very nostalgic walking into the worn down, dimly lit, non air conditioned bar. At first, we were the only ones in there. About 10 minutes into our lunch a group of college students arrived to begin their beer drinking venture…at least it was officially the afternoon at this point. I couldn’t say whether they were of age or not. With Journey on the juke box the memories flooded in. But enough of that, you came for the wing review. Between the 5 of us we split several dozen hot wings. I must say that I was very pleased with the caliber of the wing. Although not quite as large as Decisions, the wing itself had much potential. One key thing that I loved about them was that they were dripping with sauce. These hot wings packed a significant punch that I think the majority of us had been searching for over the past few weeks. They were delicious. I would also be willing to say that Kau’s is a close runner up for Decisions thus far in out quest. i will even go as far to say that the hot wings here are better than Decisions (but that still doesn’t put them in the #1 spot.)

The staff was very friendly, probably due to the lax environment. I liked how the cooking staff, and even the owner, came out to us to make sure we enjoyed our lunch. I think this would be a great place to eat, as long as you don’t mind a slightly dirty bar atmosphere. I will say, however, you can’t bring the kids here.”
–Mike

“The parking lot was vacant. The building looked as though it may have been as well. The front door was propped wide open so we entered a completely dark cavern of a bar. I couldn’t see a solitary thing for about two minutes. Then, once my eyes compensated from the absence of lumens I was finally able to see two figures. One guy working the bar and one man probably in his sixties playing some kind of video poker machine. I held closely the notion that we could bail out and find lunch elsewhere. We proceeded despite the stench of bowling shoe + cigarette smoke. We sat at the bar. That was the only choice frankly — there are no tables and chairs. Upon inquiry we were handed the menu. Let me qualify that. When I say the menu, I don’t mean a menu as if there were more than one. It was the menu, for the entire Kau to share. We ordered 60 hot wings. I was advised not to bother using the facilities to wash up before lunch. I took a don’t ask, don’t tell approach to that news. I ordered a Coke mostly because I was afraid of their tap water. (Yes, I know where Coke comes from. I have faith in the magic syrup and carbonation.) The wings - decent size, excellent flavor, heavy on the sauce, very good heat. I paused several wings in to look around to find three out of 5 men in a sweat. No kidding. I don’t think they were that hot, but I’d say some folks might even have a use for the medium at this establishment. We probably used an entire roll of paper towels. Saucy. Would I go back? Sure. The wings were good - if you can get past the ambiance of this hole-in-the-wall bar (where I’m certain Florida clean air act rules don’t apply). Not bar & grill. Just bar. That’s it, I’m off to go take a shower.”
–Steve

The overall consensus seemed to be, 1) the place is an absolute dive, and 2) they cook a pretty good wing. I’d say they’d be a no brainer for to-go orders. As far as dining in, it wasn’t a bad place for lunch, although that’s mostly due to it being spring break (read: not filled with college kids). I don’t know how soon I’ll want to go back, but I can’t complain about the wings at all.

That’s it for this week! See you next Wingsday!